A Spiritual Journey

Introduction

Yes, you see. Thank you all for edifying me this morning uh with the worship, the words at the Lord’s table, and the teaching and admonishing in those songs. I don’t think they were selected at random. Standing on the promises that cannot fail, when the howling storms of doubt and fear assailed. Does that sound familiar? It’s just what we studied. And that heal us all song, oh. Um I I’m I’m in every verse of that song, just so you know. At some point in my life, I think, uh the things described in those in that teaching applied to me.

So, thank you for singing that to the leaders for selecting that and and the discussion of the mercy and grace of being fathered by God. I I don’t think I thought of it that way before. But, thank you. The theme of what we’ve been talking about this weekend, and I should express my gratitude for those who were here yesterday and sat through uh more than I might have expected you to sit through, but um the lessons, I hope they were helpful, and I hope that what we’ll talk about today will in some ways put a little bit of a wrapper on the things we talked about yesterday afternoon with regard to to how we establish our faith and the discussion of doubt.

Um I think I’ve only presented this lesson one other time, and I’ve done it at a devotion, but a very informal setting. And that was my home congregation, where they all know I’m a weirdo. And so, uh I wasn’t I was still a little bit anxious about the lesson and how it was organized and whether it would be as relevant to them as it was to me. But, I’ll just tell you this lesson is is from my heart. And it’ll be a little bit different. Um it anxious enough about the way I want to present it that I have written a lot of it out.

And you probably noticed yesterday and even this morning, I don’t like being tied to notes or not staying in one place, but I’m going to do that in this lesson. Uh, and we’ll have some charts, but they’ll [clears throat] be sparse. And what I have to say really will come mainly from the notes that I prepared. Now, that boy, that’s an emotional beginning to a lesson. I don’t know uh, whether or not I’ve set your expectations on that or not, but it’s this lesson comes from my own personal experience with uh, with people uh, in my own extended family, more than one.

And and as an elder in the church, uh, watching members um, have their faith begin to crumble in their life as they as they turn away. And I I’ve tried to figure out what what’s the what’s behind it in society, maybe what’s driving it. And I did some research. And the research I did included a lot of searches on the internet at sites where people who are in the process of falling away are describing and defending that process. Often militantly, I’ll just add. And I I um, and one of the reasons I I want to be careful about this uh, presentation to the point of actually reading some of it is that there’s a and it happened before when I did it and there’s a somehow or another folks who are ready to criticize and um, um, condemn the the things that I will be saying today because it I think it questions what their thought processes have been.

And I expect that actually. And I did get that when I presented this at home. I know this is not making sense. I’ll get to the lesson. How about that? Uh, but anyway, I just want you to be a little sensitive to that as I am this morning. Um, this I’m going to this a common journey Sorry, spiritual journey, which I think is a very common journey uh more and more in our society. And it describes the process of someone who begins with a fairly strong faith, but over time allows that faith to erode.

Actually, in some cases, encourages or actively pursues things that will cause that faith to uh erode. Um I’m not going to tell you one person’s story, but I’m telling you everything that I’ll describe here is typical. It’s a composite story of sorts of a narrative that I narratives that I have seen. I hope it’s not a straw man, and to prove it’s not a straw man, I’m going to read you quotes from people who are in this process to say this is what they say about what they’re doing.

So, um as we get into it, I’m not I’m not trying to vilify and I’m not trying to caricature. I’m certainly not trying to glorify this process, but I want to be fair to those who are taking this path and think about it from the standpoint of our firm Christian beliefs standing on the promises uh when the howling storms of doubt and fear assail. So, I I I want to address it to us, mostly those of us here I hope are not necessarily on this journey, but you may be.

1. It Begins in a Conservative Religious Childhood

Especially if you’re younger, that seems to be uh the demographic involved here, but you will deal with those who are, and I hope to have advice uh for all of us in that regard. Um in our um in our journey this common story I’ll talk about, it begins in childhood. And uh the story I’m going to tell it begins in a conservative religious childhood. Uh conservative is kind of a relative term. You know what I mean by that. If you grow up in an environment where there’s no church or religion of any kind and your mom makes you go to the Catholic church on Saturday night once a week or maybe twice a year, somehow or another that can be a conservative, you know, world.

But on the other hand, if you’re in more or less a mainstream Protestant organization, conservative could be a Pentecostal or an evangelical group that or a fundamentalist group that that believes that the scriptures are inspired and should be followed carefully and read as if they were truth. Um So, the narrative in our case begins in a conservative religious home, whatever that means to you. Church of Christ might fall in that category. I’m going to use terms that are somewhat denominational this morning.

I hope you can tolerate that. That’s the sources I’m going to be reading from. And I hope you’ll accommodate that understanding that there’s deeper truth in a lot of cases and those these terms reflect error. Um anyway, this could be a non-church. It might just mean I had to go to church. Uh it is in the mainstream and it might be evangelical, it might be Southern Baptist, it could be fundamentalist or even Church of Christ. And within any of these even, it could include things like homeschooling, uh blocked access to normal youth entertainment and activities, strange dress codes, curfews, strict discipline, and other restrictions in the home.

Y’all know what I’m talking about. This is where this journey is going to begin in a home like that. Now, I’m going to use three voices. I should just say this now. One is Marty, that’s me. I’m just talking to you now. That’s one. Another is the first person and I I won’t be too good at this. I’m going to try. A first person description as if I were the person in on this journey. And a third voice will be I’m going to read quotes from people who really are.

So, these would be actual voices that would illustrate what I’m trying to say. Y’all are looking anxious. I hope I haven’t done that. Uh just you know what? I’ll be done in like what? I don’t know, an hour and a half and then we’ll it’ll all be over and let’s let’s try to do it. All right. Uh the religious teaching within uh this conservative conservative environment my childhood and emphasized Bible authority usually with very traditional and you can read archaic interpretations, many of which are counter to the prevailing culture.

Things like God’s wrath, depravity, lostness of sinners, the reality of judgment and the reality of hell and all were taught uh as true. Here’s a quote. Now, this is the voice from the internet, if you will. This is a person. Uh I grew up in a conservative Church of God that believed the Bible was the literal word of God. I was taught many, many ideas that ended up causing me extreme anxiety. Like the idea that thinking about sin, thinking about sin was just as bad in God’s eyes as actually committing a sin.

And that God is constantly reading your mind. Or the constant reminder that unless we have unquestioning faith in Christ’s resurrection, we will all burn for eternity. I went to a camp that was sort of a less extreme version of the movie Jesus Camp. I I don’t know what that is, but it’s in the quote, some movie. If you’ve seen that movie, every year they had a special bonfire night where the counselors would build a huge bonfire then tell the kids from age 7 to 18 to stare into the fire and imagine your flesh burning off, begging for water, never seeing your mom or dad again.

And the upshot of this is that I grew up absolutely horrified of hell. Close quote from the internet. Now, the first person voice. Along with the restrictions in religious teaching here, there were stereotypes um stereotypes and political positions that I was expected to follow. I was taught to believe there are only one correct way, the truth, and anyone who violates or does not accept the truth must be must be evil at their core. And they needed to be avoided.

Within this restrictive oppressive environment, a young person, if they buy in, feels an insecurity that they can’t measure up, leading to fear, guilt, anxiety, and depression. Now, quote from a person in this process. I believed I needed to hold myself to the same rigid standard of truth I held everyone else to. And I lived in constant silent fear that I would never ever measure up. Ultimately, the absolutism I believed in, the rigid either-or categories I weaponized against others, I weaponized against myself.

And I don’t only lived in constant fear of others externally, I also internally lived in constant fear of the absolutist God I was worshipping. Every single day I feared that I would somehow fail in my faith, even slightly, and then get left behind from the rapture and go to hell. These beliefs left me paralyzed by fear, culminating in anxiety and depression later on in life. I would just I’m going to step back and be Marty for a second. And that is it has been my experience that that this kind of a reaction to an early childhood experience uh will will exist in one child but not in their siblings.

I’ve seen that quite often. In fact, their siblings will say, “What are they thinking? What are they doing?” You know what I mean? So, it’s it seems like it’s a personal interpretation of how restrictive or bizarre or, you know, oppressive or so on it was. So, brought these stereotypes into it like of the patriarchy, the roles of women, depraved nature of sinners, and all those kind of things, uh which the Bible teaches. And unfortunately, and I’m going to say this is a thing we area we all should watch for, somehow we tie that to some national political positions.

Brethren, run away from that. Uh the weapons of our warfare are not carnal. I don’t know how to say that any more clearly. The whole world lies under the sway of the evil ones. And I believe that includes both parties. Um okay. Sorry, that was a I don’t know where that came from. But anyway, but I I I can imagine in some homes that somehow the political positions are so intimately stirred in with our religious positions that we somehow think that’s part of our faith.

2. Leaving Home and Entering the Real World

Let me May it not be so among us. Uh and anyway, so out of that a personal fear, guilt, anxiety, and depression, and so on. All right. So, that’s childhood. Well, you know, you don’t stay a child forever. Eventually, I left the protective care of my parents and my religious community. And uh I I entered the real world and I the inevitable interactions with those with whom that I’ve always disagreed. Even those that I believe to be quite evil people based on their lifestyle, their religious practices, um in in even their politics, of course.

As these relationships formed, it became clear that these previously vilified people were quite nice. This is my first-person editorial. Uh non-threatening humans just like me. Now, here’s a quote from someone in this process. God has brought me to repentance from these absolutist beliefs of my past. This repentance has brought me so much peace and freedom. And that’s going to be a theme, by the way, finishing out here is freedom and peace. That’s going to be a as if that were the value in life we’re pursuing.

Sorry, that was Marty said that. I Anyway, back to the quote now. Do you know Do you Uh sorry. Do you know how God brought me to this change of mind, this repentance? It was by encountering the very people at the center of these deep convictions I was claiming to care about. People whom I had never actually had a a relationship with. These relationships were the way were the way God revealed how much myth I was holding on to in my beliefs. So, I hope you’re listening carefully. How is God bringing about repentance in this case? How is he revealing truth?

That’s sorry, that’s Marty stepping into this quote here. Back to the quote. Uh holding on to my belief, especially those uh whom I had considered as my enemies. It was such a sobering as my enemies. But anyway, it was such a sobering and humbling experience to develop friendships to develop friendships with those whom I considered to be the them in my us versus them mentality. I honestly grieve every day now how shallow, ignorant, and unloving my beliefs were about others.

Why? Because I thought of them as the enemy. I thought of them as doing wrong. I thought of them as lost people, that kind of thing. Okay. Uh formed relationships. And then, often, too, um I discovered that those who practiced and supported what I thought was sinful activity were really dealing with complex circumstances and tough problems that don’t have easy solutions, like a terrible home environment. Or maybe they have an affection for the same sex.

Or maybe they’ve been in an abusive relationship. Difficult financial circumstances, mental health conditions. It became clear that the world was more complex than the simple right versus wrong, black and white beliefs of my childhood. Now, here’s a quote. Here’s a quote from someone in particular. God showed me just how deeply superficial and downright untrue so many of my beliefs were um about others. My beliefs about them really had nothing to do with who they actually were or the reality of their lived experience.

I hope you’re thinking in deeply into what’s being said, what’s driving these conclusions. That was Marty again. The nuance and complexity of their sort stories were things I had never considered in my belief system before. It made me so convinced that when we reduce an issue as deeply complex as abortion to a binary either or right or wrong paradigm, we overlook the very people it impacts the most. All this to say, it makes me think of how we Christians can often begin and end with what we believe about these topics without ever getting to know the very people whose lives are actually impacted by them.

Listen to this quote. Since then I realized I I’ve become convinced that when I don’t have actual relationships with those who are literally experiencing the topic I claim to be absent strong beliefs about, I will always be superficial and and have out of touch convictions about the topic at best. Do you all understand the significance of that? That is, if I don’t know somebody, befriend somebody, understand the fullness of their life circumstance if they’re involved in whatever it is, homosexuality, then I can’t condemn them.

I’ll have a superficial view of that. And superficial beliefs are the most dangerous and demonizing beliefs because they leave so much room for fear to hold sway over love. All right. I’ll keep going. I’m having my lived experience here. Y’all understand this. I’ve left home and I’m the whole world is now I’m beginning to see what’s really going on, I guess. At the same time, I had an expanding insight into the conservative religious traditions and that exposed the hyp- hypocrisy, the profit motive, the unloving closed-mindedness, and even the sinfulness of its leaders.

Y’all see what’s happening here? The world is way more friendly than I ever thought. And guess what about the church? It’s more evil, more hypocritical, right, than I ever thought. You see how those go together to create a kind of a a super doubt of sorts. So, given both of these, I concluded that I was addressing the wrong priorities. Rather than sin, morality, doctrinal correctness, I should be addressing what I could really what really mattered, what I could see would really matter, and made makes a difference.

That would be love, inclusivity, social justice, and so on. Now, here’s a quote. Christians claim that they’re about loving and caring for people, but their actions show otherwise. They’d rather practice their faith behind closed doors rather than get involved in the world’s problems. I realize why so many people are turned off with Christianity. It’s because they don’t see Christians living what they preach about. Where’s the Christian community support for Black Lives Matter, the Holocaust survivors, Chris- people living in poverty and homelessness?

It Listen to this. It does people no good if you do these missions, she means by that evangelism, these evangelistic campaigns, but don’t provide for the physical needs, too. It does them no good. Did you hear that? That was Marty who said that. Uh now, back to a first-person account. And I mourned and I determined to to remedy, if possible, the harm done by the stigmatizing, demonizing, hateful, shallow church attitudes and actions. Right? And so, I I This is a quote now.

Looking back now, the further away from the person I once was, the more I grieve the stigmatizing, demonizing beliefs I had about others, and the more awe I am of how God brought this change to me from my extreme beliefs, okay? Um, so, it as with as often the case, Marty’s talking again. I’m I’m just to just to comment on where we are so far. There is a teeny tiny bit of truth in almost all of this. Do you Do you know what I mean by that? Have you felt that?

I think we could probably, if we really were and determined to, probably looking within the church and find all kind of hypocrisy, right? And that could be the basis of our rejection, if we wanted it to be. We talked about what our faith is built on yesterday and where our doubts come from today. But, I think that’s probably the case. And but I’ll I’ll say more later. Just I don’t know. I hope I’m not selling this position to you as something attractive, but I want us to fully see what the arguments are and the feelings that are behind it.

3. A Period of Enlightenment and Freedom

All right. Now, I had that lived experience, and now I’m going to have this period of enlightenment and freedom. This is phase three. It’s the end of the journey. Although, I want to This is Marty talking again. The journey often ends in all kind of different places. In fact, it isn’t a journey to any place in particular. It’s a just a journey to be free, if that makes sense to you, right? It can end in raw atheism. It can end in some kind of spiritualism, which has a God that doesn’t say anything or do anything, but he must be there somehow.

Or it could be end up in some very progressive, liberal, maybe movement that still carries the name Christian around with it. Could be any of those things. And for that reason, now I can walk around a minute cuz it’s just me talking. For that reason, it’s a little difficult to refute this because it doesn’t really have an end point. And if you go and read the the discussions that are online about this, about those who are rejecting the Christianity or why I left this church or ex-evangelicals is kind of a key name at ex-evangelicals is a key term.